Trustin Myself

All this while, i thought i were a barrier for nicholas...
Example, when he wants to study...i will be there sms him and distract him...
But everytime i told him my feelings...he will say that it is his blithe...
Because i find him means i care him and love him...
To have a girlfriend that care him alot is a kind of happiness...
But i'm stupid...i don't believe that...i always thinks that he said it because he don't want to hurt my feelings....
Then recently my daddy ( wai yin ) told me that if his gf always find him...it is his blithe...
Once he said it...it struck my mind that nicholas used to told me that...
I feel horrible of myself...i feel myself stupid...
I feel i very unreasonable towards him...but yet he still treat me that good...( apart of not spending time with me )
I want to have another change to repay him back...but do i have the chance and could i do it??

Today nicholas sms-ed me...
He told me that his final exam is coming soon ( after PMR )
He said he need to study...hope i could understand him if he not able to reply me...
I feel that this is a time, a chance to repay my guilt...
I want to be a good girlfriend to him....i want to be his happiness...
I don't want to be his shallowness, his saddess...

After breaking up with nicholas...
I feel that i have one thing with him...sort of a string that pulling me towards him...or attract me to him...
It didn't make me sad but it make me feel happy because he love me...
I feel that i have his love is the best thing i ever had...
I don't know if there a word that can explain my feeling now....
And each and every minute passes...i will think of him and miss him alot..
The love that i have toward him is different then what i have with Fong Rong...
It can't be discribed...
This love is not pain nor sweet...It brings a weird feeling, a new feeling to me....
And i'm glad that i could experienced it....
I don't know whether that i love nicholas alot or not...
But i just sure that my love toward nicholas could be compare to my love toward Fong Rong...

Is this call soulmates??or true love??